I will not harden the f*ck up (HTFU)

Apologies firstly to the disciples of Velominati, those of you who follow The Rules and find them motivating rather than belittling or tongue in cheek. Fortunately I believe The Rules were intended to be the latter, you know, ha-de-ha, wink-wink, nudge-nudge.

Unfortunately, just as with the bible, these cycling commandments seem to have become something of a dictat to obey or a gospel to praise for a small minority of cyclists. Thou shalt know such believers by their cycling blog and forum comments, which usually contain a variation on the tiresome tirade of ‘Man Up’ and other such comments.

Woman up

As an aside, I’d be interested to hear what such commenters would say to female cyclists. ‘Woman up’ doesn’t quite have the same ring to it. Sounds like something you’d expect to hear from a group of badly dressed men standing on the edge of the dancefloor in a seedy discotheque, the last song playing out, couples waltzing before them, their hands in their pockets, brave smiles on their faces, anything to hide their desperate desire to end the loneliness.

Anyhow, I digress. As noted in an earlier blog post, I really am struggling to find the motivation to cycle at the moment, quite possibly due to the weather. I’ve already confessed to a dislike of riding in the rain. Fortunately I do not question my manhood as a result. I am not sat inside, cowering in dusty corners, whimpering at every howl of the wind.

Flat. Punctured.

That said, I respect those who take on all weathers and hope they too appreciate that not all of us are, well, mad! I’m not all too convinced the weather is my problem. I doubt if the sun was blazing I’d feel any better. No, I fear something has broken inside, I am punctured, my bearings need greasing, my er, bottom bracket tightening. Or maybe there’s a case for a check-up from the neck up. Melodrama aside, perhaps a slap around the face and a strong cup of coffee will do the trick.

Happy riding folks. I’ll be seeing you. From the footpath. Or my window.

More uninspiring cycle memes can be found at #CycleTruths

Reach out, say it ain’t so
Twitter | Facebook | Google +